Tag: humor

The Future of 3D TV

I’m nearly ready to invest in a large flat-screen TV. 3D televisions are now almost mainstream, but they are still very pricey. Should I buy now, or wait till the technology matures? Will 3D TV really take off?

Since, traditionally, pornography drives technology [1,2], I guess I should consider 3D TV to be a non-starter until we begin seeing the porn industry embrace it. Oh, wait. They just did. Yikes, I can’t wait for “Desperately Horny Housewives”, “How I Did Your Mother”, and “The Big Bang Theory”.

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If Fanboyism Were Rampant…

Mac vs Windows. Android vs iPhone. Intel vs AMD. Nintendo/Playstation/XBox. Fanboyism of any flavor is just nuts. Why can’t people accept consumer choice for what it is? Why does everything have to be a competition about what is or who uses the best? It’s a good thing this extreme brand loyalty is mostly limited to the tech world. Can you imagine if everyone felt the need to argue about everything?

I just bought some “Dove MEN+CARE” body wash. It’s pretty cool.

Feh. “Gillette All Day Clean” is far superior.

Gimme a break. Even the packaging is inferior. The label is upside down when the bottle is standing on its cap.

You’re just an idiot mesmerized by fancy design. Everyone knows it’s what’s inside that counts.

Utterly hopeless. I suppose you mean something like “Odor Shield Technology”? Please. That’s not an ingredient, just glitzy marketing. If you want to talk features, consider the actual engineering, not just the product management spin.

Then how does Green #3 strike you? Yup, that’s right: Version 3. Dove only has Blue v1. Talk about being obsolete before you even bought it.

You’re clueless. That has no effect on performance.

But the Methylchloroisothiazolinone is key.

OMFG. Do you even know what that is? The patented MICROMOISTURE technology is clearly what blows Gillette out of the water.

Hah! Those are probably just air bubbles. When I pay for 12 ounces, I want to know I am getting the full 12 ounces.

Sure, 12 ounces of crap. That stuff oozes out like some bad combination of Jello and the BP oil spill. If you put your tongue on it, nothing actually sticks. What’s it made of, Teflon? I’m surprised it even makes a lather.

Who the &%$# tastes their soap? What’s wrong with you? The important thing is that it provides a superior experience that lasts long into the day.

Well sure, that’s fine if you want “16hr protection”. Obviously there is an engineering problem because “All Day” is not 16hrs. There are 24hrs in a day, my friend. Maybe if they gave away free deodorant it would make up for the design flaw.

STFU. It’s your conclusion that is flawed. Other products suffer from similar limitations. And in the real world, 16hrs is fine. Besides, I like to be clean and fresh. With Dove, you have to actually choose between “Extra Fresh” and “Clean Comfort” models. As if they are mutually exclusive?!? Sorry, but I want something that does both. Why give people so many options?

Right, like Gillette doesn’t bombard with confusing choices also. Are you forgetting their Hydrator product line? And I like how you completely ignored their Hydra-Scrub debacle. “Power beads” my ass! I felt like I just came back from the beach and had sand stuck in all my crevasses.

You are such a l0ser.

Fail.

N00b.


Epitaph

Back in the early 90s, I was managing the NCR Scripps Ranch smail hub on MP-RAS Unix, a sendmail router on SVR4, a Compuserve CIS dialup, a Network Courier gateway for StarLAN, a cc:Mail gateway for Novell 3.11, and a UUCP gateway on my Mac at home. I jokingly had a slogan/motto posted on my wall (from a Usenix member – need attribution):

“My goal in life is to send and receive email through as many gateways as possible.”

I just came across this quote that I should plan to have engraved on my tombstone:

“I have reached an age where my main purpose is not to receive messages.”
— Umberto Eco


I’m a PC, and man, I’ve really let myself go…

Is it just me? The “I’m A PC, And Windows 7 Was My Idea” commercials seem to feature doughy, greying men that flash back to some Windows 7 feature epiphany where they are always younger and decidedly more fit than their current appearance. I’m not sure if the underlying message is that people have a much more flattering view of themselves in their own minds, or that it took Microsoft 20 years (and 20lbs) to get the operating system right!


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